I think you're bruisin' my neck meat

I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower, when I heard a hissing noise behind me. I backed up, trying to figure out where the hissing was coming from, but it got louder the more I backed up. That's when I noticed a giant white rat on the counter, up on his hind legs and hissing loudly. and then he started to talk. he had a deep male voice, and he was quite the sass-mouth. he started complaining about how someone was supposed to have rented "kung Fu Hustle" for him, but on waking up he noticed it wasn't there. for some reason I had gloves on, so I picked up the rat. he tried furiously to bite me, and I had to keep fighting him so as not to get bit. I got him over to the stairwell in our house, and dropped him down the lower steps. he crashed and tumbled down the last couple steps, but kept complaining about not having his movie. he was unharmed, and came back running up the stairs. I picked him up and chucked him downward as hard as I could. He landed harder this time, but still came back up the steps unphased. So I picked him up again, put my right hand on his head, and jerked his head to the right fast & hard. I could hear neck bone cracking. then I threw him hard to the bottom of the stairs again. he landed head first on a hard metal hand rail, then tumbled down the rest of the steps.